Entitlement: the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. (Mirriam Webster dictionary online)
We (Wendy and Shirley) had a rare opportunity to meet face-to-face recently. We had a good heart to heart chat about our kids and our family news while enjoying breakfast together. At one point, we got onto the subject of Entitlement and how so many kids (including some of our own) have developed a sense of entitlement. From conversations with other mothers, we know that this is a common problem in other families too.
Here are some examples:
Some kids treat their parents like ATM machines who must hand out cash on demand for all their entertainment.
In some homes, there are more media devices than there are family members and the children just expect unlimited airtime and data to be provided 24 x 7 for their enjoyment.
Children just seem to expect expensive gifts for their birthdays and start making demands and wish lists long before the date.
Children express a wish to take part in numerous sports and extra-mural activities and just expect their parents to cough up and pay for their pleasures.
Children expect the grocery cupboards to be well-stocked with the snacks and treats that they enjoy and display attitudes if they are not!
These are just a few examples to give you the idea of the sort of attitudes we are referring to.
Most kids have selfish tendencies, but it’s our responsibility to train them to be less egocentric, to be unselfish and actually generous, eager to give, to serve and to help others with willingness. This will prepare them for their future as a spouse, parent, employee or business person. We don’t want our children to grow into “kidults” who live at home and sponge off their parents indefinitely.
So, how do we raise children who WON’T have an entitlement attitude?
• As with so many other character traits that we desire to see in our children, we have to model the right attitudes and behaviour.
The opposite of entitlement is APPRECIATION, so we have to express appreciation and model thanksgiving. We have to model and teach our children to simply say, “Thank you.” When last did you thank your spouse for what he does for you? When last did you thank the children for helping?
Let’s look for opportunities to express thanks and appreciation for things that we so often take for granted and become better role models.
“…always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;” Ephesians 5: 20
• Teach your children to discern between needs and wants. Most of our children live with all their basic needs met and many of their wants too. Because many parents want to give their children the good things in life, the children seldom experience having to wait for a long-desired treat and this breeds entitlement.
To avoid this, set financial limits, let your children often hear you say, “We can’t afford that now” or “It’s not in the budget this month,” so that they learn that how money is spent is a matter of care and requires planning and management. (For some parents, this will require new self- and financial discipline!)
“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” Phillipians 4:11
“…give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18
• Let your children find ways to earn money for some of their wants. Pocket money given freely is the childhood equivalent of social security and it fosters entitlement. Children can earn money for their own snacks and treats, or their own airtime or save up for some expensive gadget or brand name clothing item that they WANT! When they have laboured to earn the money, they may gain some wisdom, be more inclined to spend money more carefully and appreciate that the supply is limited.
“For wisdom is better than jewels; And all desirable things cannot compare with her.” Proverbs 8:11
• Say no. Just because almost every other (name-the-age) kid in the neighbourhood has a (name the gadget) does not mean that your kids have to have one too! Your children might not like your decision, but they will respect you and appreciate the good things in life much more if they are scarce!
“…give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.” Proverbs 30:8
• When your children make mistakes, don’t make life easy for them. Let them take responsibility and learn the hard lessons that life offers. Some of the best lessons are those we learn from our mistakes, failures and irresponsible actions. So, for example, if a child loses or drops his cellphone and breaks it, don’t rush out to replace it. Let him go without a phone or pay for the repairs himself.
The world is marketing everything they can to our children and selling them the lie that material things will make their lives happier. It’s no wonder that many children have a “gimme gimme” entitlement attitude and think that their parents owe them a comfortable life.
It’s our task to take up the challenge of teaching them a different set of values and training them to appreciate and be thankful for the many blessings that they already have, instead of being discontent and always wanting more.
“…though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them.” Psalm 62:10
Count your blessings daily and give thanks.